Subject:   [adventure!] Good morning.

Date:   1/30/2004 12:52:03 PM

 

 

Hiya,

 

Those of you on the s.psych system did not receive my last emai because the

header contained a single quote (') which the new server doesn´t accept in

headers, i guess. Anyway, I´ve attached it below. Those of you who have

already received my last email are encouraged to read it again and bring any

errors to my attention immediately. This is very serious business,

adventuring.

 

First, to correct one earlier mistake, the olive trees on the property where

I´m staying are an estimated 400 years old and not the paltry 50 I

suggested.

 

The trees must have somehow discovered this slight.

 

As I was walking out to some of the further out trees to prune them and burn

the pruned branches [1] I thought to myself "hey, I should get some gloves

and maybe some safety goggles". Now, any story that starts with that kind

of sentence, you know isn´t going to end with "happily ever after". When I

reached the tree I wanted to start with I looked over and noticed a cactus

growing next to it. This is not uncommon here at all as the region is quite

warm and dry. The cactus had fruit growing on it. The fruit of these cacti

are called ´chumbas´ here, in the same manner that the very dangerous

African creatures are called ´hippos´. Aw look, let´s all hug that hippo.

So nice.

 

I could say that nobody warned me about the tiny needles that completely

cover these chumbas and that my host family was neglectful in forgetting to

mention the special gloves people wear to harvest these fruits. Or that I

didn´t see the tiny needles on the fruit as I picked it up. Those would be

lies. The truth is that they looked so tiny and harmless. Long email

short, I have spent the past few hours with little tiny needles in my hands

that feel like when you play with fiberglass insulation with no gloves. Not

that I´ve ever done that[2]

 

After rubbing most of the tiny needles deeper into my hands I decided to try

to get some work done. Bending down to cut the first branches from the

bottom of the tree I discovered what it feels like to have olive leaves

scrape quickly across the cornea of my left eye. In case you are wondering,

it´s a lot like having maple leaves scrape quickly across the cornea of the

left eye, only with a slightly less patriotic feel.

 

Swearing and dancing subsided. I pointed at the tree in an angry Bruce

Campbell sort of way (I´ll get you later!) and moved to the next tree. The

one with the thorns. That was not fun at all, until a thin evergreen branch

whizzed by, scraping across the cornea of my right eye in a way that was

similar to the olive branch, only pricklier.

 

I ate a nice big lunch and now I´m writing you a nice big email. Slowly and

calmly. Wearing gloves and safety goggles[3].

 

Enjoy your vision!

jay

 

p.s., my friend Kyle is writing a book about the millions of uses of binder

clips from the Psych department´s supply closet. Hey Kyle, use #3589:

holding up nets to catch falling olives!

 

[1] You must burn olive branches after cutting them down to prevent a

particular kind of olive tree disease from spreading. That´s all I can tell

you about that.

[2] Also a lie.

[3] Happily ever after.

 

 

***the email from the other day for the s.psychers***