Subject:   [adventure!] Singha not Singma!

Date:   5/26/2004 4:12:34 AM

 

 

 

 

Well, I'm back in Bangkok for a couple of hours between trains. Spent the

past few days on the islands of Ko Samui and Ko Pha Ngan, mainly sitting on

beaches and drinking beer. Ko Samui has a McDonalds and a Burger King. I

spent three or four nights on the most touristy beach with a couple of cool

people and spent one of those nights singing drunkenly with a bunch of Irish

girls. My English friend didn't much appreciate the Irish lyrics which

mainly consisted of 'Oh dee English is bastards, so says I' and the like. I

had a great time though!

 

During the day, the touristy beach was full of beautiful topless girls and,

if you can believe it, the water was even more interesting. I dug out the

snorkel and mask I bought in Turkey and went out into the coral area where I

was quickly surrounded by yellow and black zebra-striped fish! I got to see

quite a few more exotic fish before (you guessed it) smashing against the

coral and scraping up my back. That was only slightly more painful than the

omnipresent massage ladies who constantly yell in ever-higher pitches "YOU

WAN' MASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!" as if they have become distracted

mid-syllable by their own horrible voices and can't finish the word.

 

Then we moved to a less touristy (though slightly less nice) beach where

nothing happened. Oh, except I found a copy of 'The Beach' in my bungalow,

which is a story based on an island just off Ko Samui, so it was pretty

interesting.

 

The following day I moved on to the next island, Ko Pha Ngan. Upon arrival

I was told that it would cost 800 baht (25 bucks?) for a taxi to the beach

where I wanted to stay, which is outlandish on such a tiny island. Just

then (and every 10 feet afterwards) I passed a motorbike rental place where

they would rent me a motorbike for 200 baht/day (6 bucks!). As I had no

helmet, no insurance, no travel insurance, no driver's license, a giant

heavy backpack, no clue what the road conditions were like, and an unbroken

string of bad luck involving bodily injury, it sounded like a perfect plan!

 

I set off slowly over steep hills on dirt/gravel/pothole roads awaiting the

accident that would surely end my trip (it does have to end some day doesn't

it?) and my ability to stop drooling during waking hours. After about 30-45

minutes I made it across the island and found a cheap place to stay,

complete with giant cockroaches and tiny lizards. Dropping off my bag, I

zipped around on the motorbike exploring the island. It was gorgeous and I

found some waterfalls and saw some black water buffalo type things with big

curly horns. Later, I had a heart-to-heart talk with one of the giant

cockroaches, and we came to a wonderful understanding. They agreed to leave

me alone in exchange for one human baby every month. The suckers didn't

realize I was only staying for two nights! HA! But seriously, if you see any

giant cockroaches don't tell them where I am.

 

All around the islands of Thailand you can see tanned surfer dudes with huge

raspberry scrapes and cuts all over their bodies from crashing rental

motorbikes. The companies that rent them actually make their money charging

kids for repairs when they crash, which is why they rent them so cheap.

Long story short though, aside from a little burn where my leg kept hitting

the exhaust, I survived 48 hours of bike rentalship with no crashes! The

last night I was in Ko Pha Ngan, I celebrated this achievement by ramming my

head into a roof drainage pipe that was set at the perfect height to let all

the tiny Thai people walk by while still braining the life-sized foreigners.

This new cut fit perfectly with the big one from Turkey to form a nice

acute-angle scar on my forehead that compliments the Harry Potter scar I got

in Spain quite nicely. I have counted my fingers and toes each night, and

the total continues to be 19 (20 if you include the one I count with). So

this afternoon I'm headed up to Chiang Mai in the North where I will attempt

to injure myself in a more malarial climate.

 

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you about the plankton! In the water here there

is this stuff that glows when it is agitated. So if you put your hand under

the water and shake it around, you see little glowing blue dots around! Even

if you haven't recently smoked marijuana! Amazing!

 

Have fun!

jay